enjoythe_ride | [TWP] Semantics

There were words for people like Bela Talbot, most of them not nice. She wasn’t really one to listen anyway, but she knew what they were saying. In fact, Dean Winchester had probably called them all of them to her face, and she was still standing, so that was saying something. In fact, she didn’t mind most of those names. They were all things she felt she’d earned for herself. Well—aside from the fact that Dean thought she was an idiot—which, all things considered, she had been, but that was besides the point.

There was only one word she would never let herself be called, no matter what situation she managed to get herself into. Bela would never acknowledge herself to be a victim. She wasn’t looking for anyone’s pity really—she was drowning enough in her own. She had just learned a long time ago that the only way she could take care of something was to do it herself. It wasn’t a matter of lack of trust in the rest of the world—or maybe somehow it was. She just learned early on that things weren’t always what they appeared to be. Someone could be offering to take away your problems, but in return they would ask for a very heavy price. Bela didn’t want to be tricked into something like that again—she didn’t want to be the scared, powerless little girl that Abby was, once upon a time.

Words like ‘victim’ had a tendency to do that.

In the end, Bela Talbot was a victim of her own design and nothing more. She made her own mistakes, stepped in her own messes, and everything she ever did was her own fault. She wasn’t a victim of what her father did to her, of misplaced trust, or circumstances beyond her control, because if she admitted to any of those, her autonomy was lost as well. So she did what she had to do. She owned her own mistakes, and only begged for her life when she knew she had nothing else left.

And with the dry click! on the end of the line, she knew that she had no one to blame for this but herself.

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... and that last line is why for all the stupid things she has done, she is still made of awesome. For all Dean objects to that estimation and everything.

Also, it is so very ironic Bela s kind of stung - enough to deny it - by Dean calling her an idiot. Since that's her own estimation for him.

Also, reading this has made me wonder - possibly I should have, sooner - if the demons are using the Colt against the angels.

I think she mostly objects to the idiot bit because usually she does play it pretty smart. At least, that was my impression of her before the Winchesters got involved and the clock started winding down for her. She knows she didn't make the best choices, but she'd like to think she wasn't a total idiot. She thought she was doing what was best for her.

Her being desperate and scared was how she had gotten into making the deal in the first place. Now she's desperate and scared again -- good judgement basically goes out the window.

And that's highly possible. But Castiel didn't even flinch when Dean stabbed him with the knife, so I don't know if the Colt would have more of an effect. It's possible, though.

*uses this journal while making the ficrecfriday post*

She doesn't usually play idiot - just on a couple of occasions when it mattered. While Dean does play idiot and doesn't care - except for a few occasions when it matters and he's not, you know, ground down by grief, and then he's downright brilliant, so he has the grounds to point and call names. *snorts* It must drive her crazy >.> And... no, she wasn't doing what's best for her, because listening to a demon just isn't. >.>

Hah. yeah. While desperate and scared is Dean's default modus operandi? And he's learned to cope. Or something.

Haha but the knife? Is demon-killing knife, while the Colt's supposed to kill anything. The boy over here's feeling guilty about losing it all over again anyway >.>

Hence the "she thought." Bela in a clutch isn't pretty. Because if she's stuck and she can't get out, that means she lacks control -- if she has a choice however, she feels like she might be getting an ounce of control back, regardless of where the choice is coming from. Which is why when she's got a couple months before her deal is up, and the demon holding the contract offers her an out -- she takes it, because she feels like it's the best option she has, and reasonably it is. Lilith was the one holding all the cards there -- lying demon or not. Bela never claimed to be brave.

I really think the reasons why she didn't go to Sam and Dean on this was a weird mix of pride and the fact that she would have to explain why she made the deal in the first place -- Dean might have accepted (I won't say bought, because he probably wouldn't, but I think he would have taken it as a reason) a fourteen year-old girl killing her parents for money, but Sam? Sam would have known there was more to the story. And that was the part of the story that Bela really didn't want to share.

True -- yeah, I was thinking about that. But to be honest, we've never seen Ruby try to use the knife on anything else. So it's possible it's the same magic?

Yeah. Ah well. *sighs* IF she ever comes back, I don't suppose she'll be human, will she. *nosewrinkle*

I... don't know. They've both by that time had their experience with deals with demons, and Dean even more than Sam. None of those who'd made the deals made them lightly. ... something, IDK. Still, Dean might have been talked into helping out just because if they get Lilith, he's off the hook too, she might not even have had to go into the details of the deal. (And Sam would have joined right up, considering that it improved their chance of getting Dean off the hook.) Buuut. *sighs* I guess Kripke didn't like Bela? >.>

Ruby or anyone else, and the boys tend to (Castiel being an exception, but then Dean had no idea what he'd be facing, AT ALL) know their tools. I do think that the knife might be pretty specific - and there were many places where it seemed that Dean was pretty much persuaded that he was yanked out by a demon. Right up until the moment when the knife just doesn't seem to affect him at all.

... I'm getting babbly again. Sowwy?

Well. Bela wasn't supposed to be a regular, initially -- only Ruby was. The network said they wanted him to make two instead of just one. And the fans (mostly) didn't like Bela either, which kind of just added to things. Then on top of that, we had the writer's strike, and -- I just think she really got the short end of the stick. Which sucks, but hey -- you take what you can get.

And that makes sense. I don't know -- to have Lilith thinking that far ahead is a bit off to me. I think she honestly just wanted the Colt so that the boys couldn't use it on her. If they happen to kill angels as well, it's just a funny coincidence.

Nothing wrong with babbly. I do it all the time.

[TWP] Semantics

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