enjoythe_ride | [TBS] Quiet

It was quiet, after she hung up the phone. Almost like the calm before the storm, for all of two seconds before the howls started and she heard the scratch of the claws against the walls. The storm was coming and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Her head was spinning with the “what ifs” of her life, the moments she both loved and hated, what she had struggled with and fought against. Every moment that she had, every bad choice she made, it all played before her like a constant track of regret. The events of the last day seemed to play the loudest of all, Dean’s words echoing in her ear as he wrote her off like a piece of shit, which she well deserved, at least from what he was believing, but it was the look on his face right before he told her she wasn’t worth shooting that got to her the most.

She and Dean were too alike, whether he wanted to admit it or not. They were both willing to go to whatever length it took to protect what mattered most to them, and while her means were more selfish than his—she was looking out for herself while he was looking out for his brother, the intent was the same, and that was what mattered to her at this point.

Well, no that wasn’t all that mattered. She cared about the people she had gotten to know. She cared about the Winchesters and making sure they won this war. She cared about the Winchesters—less than she cared about herself, but she still cared about them nonetheless. But it was better that she went to the grave thinking that she was a cold, heartless bitch rather than an actual person. They needed to be angry in order to win this war. It was the only way it was going to work.

And as the hellhounds busted open the door, she prayed to God that it did.

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